From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Don't recall much about this sketch, but upon reading it, it's pretty cute. I stared going for a SFX sketch, which I liked to do because a) it's radio [duh], b) it was a recurring bit for the show and c) I hoped the SFX guy might like it and try to push for it to get more air time. I noticed I got a Walmart joke in there, with the proto-War on Christmas the right would rant about even though it was corporate America that practiced the generic "Happy Holidays" so they wouldn't have to order different signs every week from autumn to year's end.
But it starts as a SFX bit then slides into the absurd, which works then caps it all for with a salute to noise makers. Again, I think PHC missed a bet here not using it, but that was par for the course in the mid-naughts for me. Enjoy the read and happy New Year's!
But it starts as a SFX bit then slides into the absurd, which works then caps it all for with a salute to noise makers. Again, I think PHC missed a bet here not using it, but that was par for the course in the mid-naughts for me. Enjoy the read and happy New Year's!
New Year’s Noise Makers
GK: The noisemaker is something we don’t hear too much from during the year, but New Year’s Eve is the night they come out to howl. We all know the traditional noisemakers, the horn…
(Horn)
GK: …The ratchet…
(Ratchet)
GK: …the blow out…
(Blow out)
GK: And Uncle Henry after a couple of cups of holiday punch.
HENRY: (drunk) Happy Yew Nears, every botty!
GK: Then you have the more exotic types like the groan tube…
(Groan)
GK: …and the kazoo.
(Kazoo)
GK: Many places celebrate the New Year with a fireworks display.
(Whistling, boom, whistling, bang)
GK: Of course, back in my day, we didn’t have fancy, factory-made noisemakers. We had to make do with things found around the house. We welcomed many a new year by banging pots.
(Clanging)
GK: Or swinging the cat.
(Meoooow, spits)
GK: My aunt was fond of shaking a chicken at midnight…
(Wobblely clucking)
GK: …but would squeeze a duck in a pinch.
(Quack, quack)
GK: The first New Year was greeted quietly because it wasn’t a holiday, so everyone had to get up for work in the morning which meant nobody wanted stay up that late. But once the ACME Noisemaker Company opened for business, they were constantly looking for a market for their many noisemakers. Easter didn’t work…
(Clinkers clank)
GK: St. Patrick’s Day failed because you couldn’t hear the noisemakers over all the rowdiness.
(Horn, drunken singing)
GK: And, well, National Library Day, it just seemed counter-productive.
(Horn)
Librarian: Shush!
GK: Once New Year’s Day became a holiday, then people wanted to have parties. But it was very hard to stay awake that late, and most parties petered out into rather sedate affairs.
(Snoring)
GK: Along came ACME Noisemakers to the rescue. Selling noisemakers to party-goers insured that if anyone fell asleep, someone could wake them with a blast from the horn or blow-out.
(Snore…horn…)
MAN: What the---? Is it New Year’s?
WOMAN: It’s nine o’clock. Wake up. You’re sleeping in the onion dip.
MAN: Oh. It’s very good.
WOMAN: Why, thank you.
GK: So, to honor the tradition of noisemakers, let’s just take a moment of silence---Well, no, I guess that wouldn’t be right. We’ll take a moment of noise.
(All noise makers go off)
GK: Happy New Year to everyone, unless you work at Wal-Mart, then Happy Holidays.
End
GK: The noisemaker is something we don’t hear too much from during the year, but New Year’s Eve is the night they come out to howl. We all know the traditional noisemakers, the horn…
(Horn)
GK: …The ratchet…
(Ratchet)
GK: …the blow out…
(Blow out)
GK: And Uncle Henry after a couple of cups of holiday punch.
HENRY: (drunk) Happy Yew Nears, every botty!
GK: Then you have the more exotic types like the groan tube…
(Groan)
GK: …and the kazoo.
(Kazoo)
GK: Many places celebrate the New Year with a fireworks display.
(Whistling, boom, whistling, bang)
GK: Of course, back in my day, we didn’t have fancy, factory-made noisemakers. We had to make do with things found around the house. We welcomed many a new year by banging pots.
(Clanging)
GK: Or swinging the cat.
(Meoooow, spits)
GK: My aunt was fond of shaking a chicken at midnight…
(Wobblely clucking)
GK: …but would squeeze a duck in a pinch.
(Quack, quack)
GK: The first New Year was greeted quietly because it wasn’t a holiday, so everyone had to get up for work in the morning which meant nobody wanted stay up that late. But once the ACME Noisemaker Company opened for business, they were constantly looking for a market for their many noisemakers. Easter didn’t work…
(Clinkers clank)
GK: St. Patrick’s Day failed because you couldn’t hear the noisemakers over all the rowdiness.
(Horn, drunken singing)
GK: And, well, National Library Day, it just seemed counter-productive.
(Horn)
Librarian: Shush!
GK: Once New Year’s Day became a holiday, then people wanted to have parties. But it was very hard to stay awake that late, and most parties petered out into rather sedate affairs.
(Snoring)
GK: Along came ACME Noisemakers to the rescue. Selling noisemakers to party-goers insured that if anyone fell asleep, someone could wake them with a blast from the horn or blow-out.
(Snore…horn…)
MAN: What the---? Is it New Year’s?
WOMAN: It’s nine o’clock. Wake up. You’re sleeping in the onion dip.
MAN: Oh. It’s very good.
WOMAN: Why, thank you.
GK: So, to honor the tradition of noisemakers, let’s just take a moment of silence---Well, no, I guess that wouldn’t be right. We’ll take a moment of noise.
(All noise makers go off)
GK: Happy New Year to everyone, unless you work at Wal-Mart, then Happy Holidays.
End
