From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Don't remember this one, but it is totally something I would write. It was the last show of the season and July 4th was just around the corner, which means people had been shooting off fireworks since mid-March. A ridiculous product made to solve a ridiculous problem. And maybe the old SNL "News for the Hard of Hearing" was an inspiration. And I liked the idea of pushing fireworks on radio. I thought it was fun. I was alone in the PHC universe to think that. As the season ended, I knew I hadn't had a piece produced in 2 years and frankly, I was starting to lose hope. But come September, I did begin submitting material again because I'm just that dense.
Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks for the Deaf
GK: This portion of the show is brought to you by Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks for the Hearing Impaired.
ANNOUNCER: How many times has this happened to you?
WOMAN: Did you have a nice Fourth of July, Grandpa?
OLD MAN: What? It was the Fourth of July? I didn’t hear no fireworks! Dang it, I missed it again!
ANNOUNCER: As the body ages, sometimes hearing becomes impaired. You can’t hear certain sound frequencies any more, like TV broadcasts or that dopey “teens only” cell phone ring. That’s why Leonard developed his own brand of Extra Loud Fireworks.
WOMAN: Wow, aren’t the fireworks pretty?
OLD MAN: Sure, sure. Pretty. But where’s the ka-boom?
ANNOUNCER: You’ll get the ka-boom back when you use Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks for you Fourth of July celebration. Leonard’s extra secret recipe gives each and every one of his fireworks a big ka-boom, guaranteed!
WOMAN: Hey, Grandpa! We got fireworks!
OLD MAN: Stop your teasing.
WOMAN: No, really, listen!
(KA-BOOM!)
OLD MAN: Whoa, Nellie! That’s what I call fireworks!
WOMAN: Too bad about the dog, though.
LEONARD: (shouting) Hi, I’m Leonard! Not only am I president of Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks, I’m also a client!
ANNOUNCER: Next time, ask for Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks. Not available in all states, but, hey, you know, you can get hold of them if you really try.
End
ANNOUNCER: How many times has this happened to you?
WOMAN: Did you have a nice Fourth of July, Grandpa?
OLD MAN: What? It was the Fourth of July? I didn’t hear no fireworks! Dang it, I missed it again!
ANNOUNCER: As the body ages, sometimes hearing becomes impaired. You can’t hear certain sound frequencies any more, like TV broadcasts or that dopey “teens only” cell phone ring. That’s why Leonard developed his own brand of Extra Loud Fireworks.
WOMAN: Wow, aren’t the fireworks pretty?
OLD MAN: Sure, sure. Pretty. But where’s the ka-boom?
ANNOUNCER: You’ll get the ka-boom back when you use Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks for you Fourth of July celebration. Leonard’s extra secret recipe gives each and every one of his fireworks a big ka-boom, guaranteed!
WOMAN: Hey, Grandpa! We got fireworks!
OLD MAN: Stop your teasing.
WOMAN: No, really, listen!
(KA-BOOM!)
OLD MAN: Whoa, Nellie! That’s what I call fireworks!
WOMAN: Too bad about the dog, though.
LEONARD: (shouting) Hi, I’m Leonard! Not only am I president of Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks, I’m also a client!
ANNOUNCER: Next time, ask for Leonard’s Extra Loud Fireworks. Not available in all states, but, hey, you know, you can get hold of them if you really try.
End
