From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
We got to see the big Broadway musical "The Producers" and I really enjoyed it a lot. It was fun and wacky and broke the 4th wall. And the songs were really good, simple with hooks that pulled you in. I didn't get to see it with the original stars, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, but what are you gonna do? This one tune hit me. It's the "Want Song," where a character realizes what he wants to get from the story. Here, it's literally called "I Wanna Be a Producer." Also at the time, the big movie for the period was "Pirates of the Caribbean." Naturally, I decided to combine them for this wacky musical parody. And try to turn it into a useable PHC sketch for the start of the 2006-2007 season. It didn't get picked, but it's a cute little ditty, even though I can no longer recall the tune. And now? Pirate musicals are all the rage.
I Wanna be a Pirate
GK: And of course, autumn brings us the new theater season. So many new shows opening. One of the most anticipated shows is based on one of the most popular movies in recent history, and we are thrilled to be bringing you a selection from the newest Broadway hit, “The Pirates!”
TURNER: You know, Captain Sparrow, a person could make more money by being a pirate than a naval commander.
SPARROW: Oh, really. And give up your job as a naval account, Mr. Turner?
TURNER: (to "I Wanna be a Producer" from "The Producers")
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role...
I wanna be a sea pirate
With a chest full of doubloons
I wanna be a bad pirate
Swabbing decks 'neath a full moon.
I wanna be a dread pirate
With a beard that you can yank.
I wanna be a dread pirate
And make my foes all walk the plank!
I wanna be a dread pirate
Make the sailors all afraid
I wanna be a dread pirate
Jolly Roger stock in trade
I wanna be a dread pirate
With a patch and a peg leg!
I wanna be a dread pirate
With buried treasure as my nest egg.
GK: Yes, it's the new musical, "The Pirates." They have more Tony Awards than any other show. They didn't win them, they just plundered them from the other shows. So buy your tickets today, you scurvy dogs!
TURNER:
I wanna be a dread pirate
As a pirate I'll go far!
Gonna sail as far as my sails'll reach till
make a bundle on the sequel
I wanna be a dread pirate
'cause I want to go say "arrgh"
Just for the heck of it, I ran the lyrics through AI and they added this little ditty to it:
For context, here's the original song from "The Producers."
