From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is one of those ideas I had kicking around for a while when I was able to utilize the talent pool at PHC to help reenforce some stereotypes. It was a goofy, fun piece that meant no harm and spun back on a Midwest twist. I worked in some SFX, which I thought would lock this down. It didn't. But I do like the school slogan. I think it's pretty funny.
Hollywood School of Accents
GK: This portion of the show is brought to you by the Hollywood School of Accents, with Summer Sessions now forming.
ACTRESS: (deadpan) Harold, stop! You can't do that do me. Don't you know I love you?
DIRECTOR: Cut! You call that acting?
ACTRESS: Darn! How can I better perfect my craft?
ANNOUNCER: Can't bring that character to life simply by reading the golden text provided by top-notch Motion Picture wordsmiths? Then you need to get an accent at Hollywood School of Accents. Why be plain and boring when you can be...Italian!
ACTRESS: Harold, stoppa! You can no do that-a to me. Don't you know that I love-a you!
ANNOUCER: Too much emotion? Then perhaps British is more your cup of tea:
ACTRESS: I say, Harold, old bean, would you terribly mind not doing that? After all, I do love you, rather.
ANNOUNCER: Yes, after a few lessons at the Hollywood School of Accents, you'll be able to do Swedish---
ACTRESS: Yumpin' Yimmies!
ANNOUNCER: Irish---
ACTRESS: Is that a shillelagh in your pocket or are ya just glad to see me?
ANNOUNCER: And New York---
ACTRESS: Hey, I'm actin' here!
ANNOUNCER: Whether it's the South of London---
ACTRESS: 'ello, guv-hna!
ANNOUNCER: ---south of the Mason-Dixon Line---
ACTRESS: Rhett, the mint juleps are in bloom!
ANNOUNCER: ---south of the border---
ACTRESS: Salsa!
ANNOUNCER: ---or the far north---
ACTRESS: Nice moose, eh?
ANNOUNCER: The Hollywood School of Accents will have your tongue hopping the globe in no time at all.
JIMMY: (Minnesotan) Hello, I'm Jimmy Marino. Not only I am a member of the Hollywood School of Accents, I'm also the president!
ANNOUNCER: So enroll now in the Hollywood School of Accents. We're located right next door to the Hollywood School of Sound Effects!
(Crashes, horse gallops, flying saucers, trumpets)
ANNOUNCER: Put your acting where your mouth is!
GK: The Hollywood School of Accents, it's like having a language lab in your mouth.
End
