From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Naturally, as Halloween approaches, it was time to roll out my Halloween sketches. From the Halloween slush pile. I don't know why I even bothered submitting these. Song parodies of rock and disco? What was I thinking? There was no way this would be in GK's wheelhouse but the idea of me missing a submission really drove me still. Sure, maybe he didn't like my stuff, but he knew it would be there.
Just for fun, I ran the lyrics through AI to create a song out of them, posted below.
Just for fun, I ran the lyrics through AI to create a song out of them, posted below.
Musical Double Feature
Gorier
By Dan Fiorella
To “Gloria” by Laura Branigan
Gorier, the movies that they make now
Running after somebody, they gotta stab her somehow
I think the cast is low-down, extras not really stellar
I think they shouldn’t open back doors leading down to the dark cellar
They’ll shortly be dismembered, after some how getting dead
Hear the voices that you dread crying gorier!
Gorier, whether killed by blade or toaster
And everybody sees it, movie grosses getting grosser.
They don’t have to chance now,
Leave them hangin’ on meat hooks, oh-oh-oh, getting gorier.
Gorier (Gorier), and the films are getting dumber (dumber)
I think they should rent ALIENS (gorier) instead of “What you did last Summer”
The plots you don’t remember, or the names of all the dead.
But you love the severed head, screaming “gorier!”
By Dan Fiorella
To “Gloria” by Laura Branigan
Gorier, the movies that they make now
Running after somebody, they gotta stab her somehow
I think the cast is low-down, extras not really stellar
I think they shouldn’t open back doors leading down to the dark cellar
They’ll shortly be dismembered, after some how getting dead
Hear the voices that you dread crying gorier!
Gorier, whether killed by blade or toaster
And everybody sees it, movie grosses getting grosser.
They don’t have to chance now,
Leave them hangin’ on meat hooks, oh-oh-oh, getting gorier.
Gorier (Gorier), and the films are getting dumber (dumber)
I think they should rent ALIENS (gorier) instead of “What you did last Summer”
The plots you don’t remember, or the names of all the dead.
But you love the severed head, screaming “gorier!”
Gory Days
By Dan Fiorella
On Halloween there’s a big movie playing
‘Bout kids in high school
They get thrown in the locker room
By a kook with pow’r tools, boy
Saws ‘em in pieces right at the shower stall
Made them walking dead, I was walking out
I went into the multiplex right next door
But all the trailers talked about…was
Chorus:
Gory days, well they’ll make you die
Gory days a needle in a young girl’s eye
Gory day, gory days.
One is a girl that lives on the block
Back in school she could make all the boys dead
Or ones that show Friday’s Jason guy
Or have that Freddy guy show up and kill you in your bed.
Grab an ax, grab a power saw, carve them up
I guess that’s how the plots go now
We just sit in our movie seats with our eyes covered up.
And then just hear them dying
we start screaming thinking about
Chorus:
Gory days, well they’re here in loads
Gory days and that’s when your head will explode
Gory days, gory days.
By Dan Fiorella
On Halloween there’s a big movie playing
‘Bout kids in high school
They get thrown in the locker room
By a kook with pow’r tools, boy
Saws ‘em in pieces right at the shower stall
Made them walking dead, I was walking out
I went into the multiplex right next door
But all the trailers talked about…was
Chorus:
Gory days, well they’ll make you die
Gory days a needle in a young girl’s eye
Gory day, gory days.
One is a girl that lives on the block
Back in school she could make all the boys dead
Or ones that show Friday’s Jason guy
Or have that Freddy guy show up and kill you in your bed.
Grab an ax, grab a power saw, carve them up
I guess that’s how the plots go now
We just sit in our movie seats with our eyes covered up.
And then just hear them dying
we start screaming thinking about
Chorus:
Gory days, well they’re here in loads
Gory days and that’s when your head will explode
Gory days, gory days.
