From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is one of those ideas I had kicking around. I had a title and needed to figure out a script to go with it. I had fallen deep into the "commercial parody" pit here, writing things that were really too short, without fleshing out the idea much beyond the joke title. It is a good, quick, funny bit but it didn't make the cut. I mean, it would have been quick and painless to do.
Crabapplebee's
GK: We’ll be back after this word from our sponsor:
MAN: Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner?
WIFE: I just got home, too, you pig! Why don't you make something!
ANNOUNCER: Need to get out to eat? Want good food but not a good time? Then come on down to Crabapplebee's for dinner tonight!
SERVER: Yeah, I'm Jennifer. I'm stuck waiting on you tonight. It's not any of your birthdays is it? I'm really not in the mood to sing that stupid song.
ANNOUNCER: When you need to appreciate a quiet night at home tomorrow, come out to Crabapplebee's tonight!
MAN: Hey, waiter! Where are our drinks?
SERVER 2: Get 'em yourself!
WOMAN: Excuse me, miss, we're ready to order now.
SERVER 2: What do you want, a medal?
ANNOUNCER: Yes, after a night at Crabapplebee's, you'll appreciate your home and what ever is left to eat in the fridge.
WOMAN: Excuse me, there's hair in my water glass!
SERVER: What do you want from me? It's not mine, I'm not blonde. If I was blonde do you think I would be working here?
ANNOUCER: Or just order take-out from our pick-up window.
SERVER: Slow down, you jerk. Where'd you learn to drive?
GK: Crabapplebees, It's rude food.
end
MAN: Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner?
WIFE: I just got home, too, you pig! Why don't you make something!
ANNOUNCER: Need to get out to eat? Want good food but not a good time? Then come on down to Crabapplebee's for dinner tonight!
SERVER: Yeah, I'm Jennifer. I'm stuck waiting on you tonight. It's not any of your birthdays is it? I'm really not in the mood to sing that stupid song.
ANNOUNCER: When you need to appreciate a quiet night at home tomorrow, come out to Crabapplebee's tonight!
MAN: Hey, waiter! Where are our drinks?
SERVER 2: Get 'em yourself!
WOMAN: Excuse me, miss, we're ready to order now.
SERVER 2: What do you want, a medal?
ANNOUNCER: Yes, after a night at Crabapplebee's, you'll appreciate your home and what ever is left to eat in the fridge.
WOMAN: Excuse me, there's hair in my water glass!
SERVER: What do you want from me? It's not mine, I'm not blonde. If I was blonde do you think I would be working here?
ANNOUCER: Or just order take-out from our pick-up window.
SERVER: Slow down, you jerk. Where'd you learn to drive?
GK: Crabapplebees, It's rude food.
end
