From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I really don't remember much about this sketch or the circumstances around it. It looks like I was submitting a trio of Christmas bits to them this week. My records show they were all written the same week. I have no memory of doing three at once. Maybe I did a them for the few weeks in December 2006 and mislabeled them. But then looking at the other sketches in the file, I'm about to stop submitting for 4 months. My next submission isn't until April 2007. I must have had my fill at this point.
But the sketch itself is obviously me trying to recapture my "Celebrity Hawaiians" bit, just letting the troupe go through all their favorite impressions. It's a premised they used a lot on the show, just quick one-liners from various celebs. I thought I geared it toward the show's strengths and it was a holiday bit, but it didn't make the cut. Re-reading it now, it's pretty good, says I. Silly, with some clever lines and good contrasts between actor and dialouge.
But the sketch itself is obviously me trying to recapture my "Celebrity Hawaiians" bit, just letting the troupe go through all their favorite impressions. It's a premised they used a lot on the show, just quick one-liners from various celebs. I thought I geared it toward the show's strengths and it was a holiday bit, but it didn't make the cut. Re-reading it now, it's pretty good, says I. Silly, with some clever lines and good contrasts between actor and dialouge.
Celebrity Scrooges
"Whaddya mean my gravestone has a typo? Proofreading was extra?" GK: It's that time of year when we get to see every version of "A Christmas Carol" ever made. There were so many versions. It is the most adapted story ever filmed. There were so many versions. Not all of them were on the money. I remember a version starring the great, great Jimmy Stewart---
STEWART: Well, ah, ba-ba-bah-humbug. You might just be a bit of potato!
GK: There was the musical version featuring Bob Dylan---
DYLAN: And hum and sum and be cue boat ta day cease the supline population.
GK: An animated version featuring Bug Bunny-
BUGS: Aah, what's up, Jacob?
GK: Many years ago, Warner Brothers produced a version starring Humphrey Bogart as Scrooge-
BOGART: Jacob Marley's ghost! Of all the counting houses in all the world you had to walk into mine!
GK: I remember once a version with Groucho---
GROUCHO: Why it's old Fezziwig! Alive once more. Rats, now I'll have to bury him again. Say, if you're the Ghost of Christmas Present, where's my present? Don't try any thing cute with me boy, I can see right through you. For a ghost you're pretty transparent. Which reminds me of joke so dirty, I'm embarrassed by it.
GK: And we certainly were impressed with the Washington D.C. theater production starring Henry Kissinger---
KISSIGNER: I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a schoolboy. I am as giddy as a drunken man.
GK: A few years ago I got to see a version with Mr. Rogers-
MR. ROGERS: An intelligent boy. A remarkable boy. Do you know whether they've sold the prize turkey that was hanging up there? Can you say prize turkey? I thought you could.
GK: There was a wild version with Jesse Ventura---
JESSE: Are there no prisons! And the workhouses? Are they still in operation? I was afraid from what you said at first that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course! That's it! It's a smackdown!
GK: One of my favorites was a version with Julia Child as Scrooge.
JULIA: If I could work my will every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding...delicious tapioca, perhaps. How festive!
GK: Yes, all wonderful reminders of the season, a timeless story which makes us want to reach out, to re-join the human race and to ask for God's blessings.
VENTURA: God bless us, everyone! Now!
The end
