From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This was a hail Mary pass. I had nothing new. So I went to my slush pile and pulled out one of my bits. It's a longer sketch, practically a one-act play. But I was always fond of it. It was an early piece of mine, tapping into a bittersweetness my work usually avoided. In fact, one time I took this piece and used it for an anchor on a "play" I decided to write. It was a play about a live TV sketch show, and I showed the evolution of the writer by starting with him presenting the first draft of this sketch as a very slap-stick, broad sketch. And by the end, the piece becomes this more melancholy comedic lament (years before "Shakespeare in Love, in case you were wondering).
It was a little tricky turning it into an audio-only piece, especially when so much of the awkwardness in the beginning is visual. As a stage piece, it was always going to be just two people. In my mind, they were alone in the theater, even thought it makes no sense for her to need to sit right beside them. But that's how it had to play. There was no one else there, just them lost in the movie. I guess that makes it metaphoric. I've gotten into the habit of submitting my sketch pieces to theater groups looking for "short plays." And I need to start sending this one out. If anyone remembers what a revival house is. Or a B&W movie.
Anyway, PHC passed on the piece. Enjoy:
It was a little tricky turning it into an audio-only piece, especially when so much of the awkwardness in the beginning is visual. As a stage piece, it was always going to be just two people. In my mind, they were alone in the theater, even thought it makes no sense for her to need to sit right beside them. But that's how it had to play. There was no one else there, just them lost in the movie. I guess that makes it metaphoric. I've gotten into the habit of submitting my sketch pieces to theater groups looking for "short plays." And I need to start sending this one out. If anyone remembers what a revival house is. Or a B&W movie.
Anyway, PHC passed on the piece. Enjoy:
A Beautiful Friendship
GK: Yes, DVDs are here to stay. And they can be a good thing, preserving films that a lot of people had forgotten. But a home theater is more home than theater. There used to be a thing called the revival house. Movie theaters that would unspool the classics. A living time capsule of Hollywood craft where those devotees could worship at the altar of the silver screen.
("As Time Goes By" plays.)
JAKE: Oh, darn, the movie already started. Nice crowd. Excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me, is this seat taken?
JANE: No, no, it's not.
JAKE: Then I can sit there?
JANE: Huh? Oh, sure. Sit.
JAKE: Thank you.
(music plays a bit)
JAKE: Hmmm, my adjustable armrest seems to be stuck. Come on, adjust you. Whoops.
JANE: What the--?
JAKE: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to knock over your popcorn like that.
JANE: It's all right.
JAKE: I'm really sorry.
JANE: It's okay.
JAKE: Here, take some of mine.
JANE: No, really. It's no big deal.
JAKE: Go on, I always get enough for two.
JANE: Okay then. Thank you.
JAKE: Out of habit, mostly.
JANE: Beg pardon?
JAKE: Out of habit. I buy enough for two out of habit.
JANE: Oh. I thought that was what you said.
(They watch the film a moment...music plays.)
JAKE: Boy, this is a great film.
JANE: Yes, indeed. A classic.
JAKE: I must have seen it a million times.
JANE: Me, too.
JAKE: That's why I have to come by myself.
JANE: I can't get anyone to come either.
JAKE: Hence, the extra popcorn.
JANE: Well, thank you, again.
JAKE: You're welcome. (a beat) Plus I own it.
JANE: Me, too.
JAKE: When it first came out on BETA.
JANE: Right. Then VHS.
JAKE: I got the laser disk.
JANE: Who didn't?
JAKE: The DVD.
JANE: The special DVD.
JAKE: The deluxe DVD.
JANE: The Special Deluxe Anniversary DVD.
JAKE: You got that? Cool.
(music plays)
JANE: Oh, here it comes.
JAKE: (imitating Bogart) Oh, yeah. I you played it for her, play it for me. If she can stand it, so can I. Play it, Sam.
JANE: He never said, "Play it again, Sam."
JAKE: I know. A lot of supposedly intelligent people don't realize that.
JANE: Don't I know it.
JAKE: Something should be done about it.
JANE: I blame Rick Little.
(They watch the film, music plays.)
JANE: (weepy) Oh no, he's got the note she sent him. She left him at the train station...standing in the rain.
JAKE: (doing Bogy) Take it easy, doll. Be strong about it. Here's a hankie.
JANE: (doing Ingrid Bergman) But he'll never see her again.
JAKE: Sure he will. Fate has a funny habit of throwing people like them together.
(Jane blows her nose)
JANE: Thank you for the use of the hankie---
JAKE: Jake.
JANE: Jane.
JAKE: No, Jake.
JANE: Right. Jane.
JAKE: Jake, J-A-K---
JANE: Yes, your name is Jake. My name is Jane.
JAKE: Oooh. Nice to meet you, Jane.
JANE: Likewise. And thank you again. It's just that I always break up at that part.
JAKE: (ala Bogie) Dames. You shouldn't get so weepy over the little things. Save your energy for the big ones.
JANE: I'll try to remember that, Jake.
JAKE: (Bogart) Sip of soda?
JANE: Certainly.
JAKE: Here's looking at you, kid.
(music plays)
JANE: I've always wanted to meet someone like that and make him mine.
JAKE: (Bogart) Me, too.
JANE: You always wanted to meet someone like Bogart and make him yours?
JAKE: (normal) Huh? Oh, no, no, like Ingrid.
JANE: Oh, of course.
JAKE: (Bogie) So, what's a good looking dish like you doing here all alone?
JANE: (doing Ingrid) What's it to you, brown eyes?
JAKE: (Bogie) I just think we could make beautiful music together, sweetheart.
JANE: (Ingrid) I bet you say that to all the girls.
JAKE: (Bogie) Maybe I do, but I always mean it.
JANE: (Ingrid) I'm sure you do, you big lug.
(They lean in closer, whispering, sultry)
JAKE: (Bogie) I could go for you, kid.
JANE: (Ingrid) You're not so bad yourself.
JAKE: (Bogie) Much obliged, babe.
JANE: (Ingrid) To meet someone like you here; It must be Kismet.
JAKE: (Bogie) That's for me. Kismet. So be it. Take it as it comes. Roll with the punches. And here you are...
(Music swells.)
JAKE: (Bogie) This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
(They kiss. The Music ends. Reality sets in.)
JANE: Oh, my. The movie's over.
JAKE: Oh, yeah. That was great.
JANE: Yes, it was.
JAKE: I could see it a million times.
JANE: You said you had.
JAKE: I did? Oh, yeah. See? I could.
JANE: Yes.
JAKE: Ah, Jane, would you, er, want to go for a cup of coffee or something?
JANE: Gee, my high school reunion is tonight. I can't miss that.
JAKE: Gosh, no.
JANE: How about tomorrow?
JAKE: Nuts, I can't. We're bowling in the semi-finals tomorrow. I'm going for high series.
JANE: That's great.
JAKE: Yeah. How's Friday?
JANE: No, I have a dentist appointment. Maybe next week?
JAKE: No, I'll be in New Jersey for a company-mandated sensitivity seminar.
JANE: That's too bad.
JAKE: I know.
JANE: I'm really late. I have to go.
JAKE: What about us?
JANE: We'll always have "Casablanca." Good-bye.
JAKE: Good-bye.
("As Time Goes By" begins playing again.)
JAKE: Wow. Almost. Oh, maybe I should see if they have the Special Deluxe Anniversary DVD.
END
