Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large - Easy as Falling off a Blog

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion: Fundraising for Europe (02/01)

2/18/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Here's one of those bits I totally forgot about. As I noted in my writer's journal, PHC was headed to Europe for some shows in March. I figured that was as good a premise as any, so, apparently, I wrote this. I can't even begin to imagine where I came up with this. It starts as an auction featuring various cast members' organs that segues into a parody of the Seqway inventors news announcement of "IT," the next big thing, using one of PHC's more obscure regular characters, Larry of Larry Dotcom.com. The jokes are solid. The pacing is good. And I always enjoy trying to take cast members and create a "character" for them. It's just a pile of silliness firing on all cylinders, that was just too unique to try and re-work to submit elsewhere. Then there were all the typos. Maybe that put them off.

Fundraising for Europe

Steamed Trailer!

2/13/2020

Well, we did preview the short back on Halloween 2019. They've put together a trailer and we're now in the process of drumming up business. So, if anyone has a drum, let us know!

STEAMED! Trailer from Jacob Maximillian Baron on Vimeo.

Barely Home Companion: SNAP PREVIEWS (2/01)

2/11/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Another sketch from the slush pile. I had written this earlier for a workshop and enjoyed it. I noted in my journal that I was prepping it and two European-theme sketches for PHC, as they were going to to a couple of shows from Germany. The sketch was a Siskel & Ebert set-up, but I was really mocking Rex Reed, a NYC film critic of the time. I didn't care for him. He spend entirely too much time and effort denouncing Blake Edwards' films every time a Pink Panther movie came up. I loved the Pink Panther movies so I always wondered what bug was sticking up Reed's rear-end.

I re-worked the to be audio (of course, but it was very dialogue heavy to begin with). I recast the roles to allow the PHC players to each take a part and then I had the set-up simply be, as GK often did, a segment on the show. "Titanic Panic" is a title from a prose piece I did pitching new Titanic sequels. In retrospect, this has WAY too many pop culture references in it, in addition to being a parody of a TV show, to really be considered for the show. And I was too lazy to keep updating it to submit elsewhere. But I always loved the ending. I felt like I put my BFA in Cinema Studies to good use.

SNAP PREVIEWS

Barely Home Companion: Road to Hamlet (2/01)

2/4/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

As I noted way back when, the first bit that got on PHC was my skit "Abbott & Othello." And as I stated elsewhere, Abbott & Othello became kind of a cottage industry for me.

Now, my journal for February 2001 doesn't record much about this time. It says I was skipping a week (the grind must have been getting to me) and prepping a movie review sketch for the next show and a couple of bits for their shows that were going to be done in Europe. And I have those sketches in the queue. No mention of me pulling a sketch out of the draw and re-working it for PHC. But, that's what I did. I took one of my Shakespeare bits and adapted it into a radio sketch and send it. The sketch was "The Road to Hamlet." I have to say, I love this sketch, I always have. I got to do snappy dialogue and song parodies all in a genre I created. It's an epic sketch and has yet to be put on its feet. I thought it was perfect for the stage, but converting it to radio worked; I changed some sight gags into audio gags (what was originally a stage manager handing out props as needed now becomes the sound effects guy), and where I couldn't convert the gag, I put a hat on it to acknowledge it. I have to say, despite the strong nostalgia factor and its relationship to Abbott & Othello, I really couldn't imagine GK using it, even adding mouth trumpets to mimic what they did in their version of A&O. And, by gum, he didn't. So, I present the radio version of it here:

The Road to Hamlet

Barely Home Companion: Dr. Duct Tape (1/01)

1/21/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

The beginning of 2001 wasn't a sterling time for me. Checking my journal, I was down in the dumps about a lot of things; Cracked magazine had been sold and had lowered their pay rate. I had a second job at the time and wasn't able to get many hours from them. I was constantly referencing ThemeStream.com, where I was housing my prose pieces. They were a pay-for-click site and I was checking it every day to see if I was earning any money. And even they were reducing their pay rate. PHC hadn't been using anything and I was having trouble coming up with new material.

I was taking my rejected PHC bits and posting them on ThemeStream and was then going on the PHC chat room trying to drive fan traffic to those ThemeStream pages to generate some income. I had totally forgotten about this scheme, so technically, this isn't the first time some of my bits have seen the light of day since being rejected!

Anyway, I attempted another go at one of their running gags, duct tape. It seems like a pleasant little ditty. Maybe slightly outside their standard format. And I'm sure all the typos didn't help me any. I like the thumb gag. I found it a challenge to take on these regular bits, to see if I could capture (and subvert) the show's voice. But, it made the material way too specific to attempt to sell elsewhere if rejected. Which, again, they mostly were. Anyway, here's a reprise of the duct tape sketch...

DUCT TAPE

Barely Home Companion: Take Two (01/01)

1/17/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is one of those Barely Home Companion tales that has a happier ending. Since I never throw anything out, a few years after this got rejected by PHC, I submitted it to another radio content producer and they produced it! It's a straight-forward comedy sketch. In no way did I even attempt to tie it into the PHC format or regulars. It was just a funny audio bit. It's another one of those thing where I don't remember how or where it came from. After the script, I'm including the audio from the version that did get made.

Take Two

Barely Home Companion: Mad Cow Party (1/01)

1/15/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This was one of those "Hail Mary Passes" to PHC. I was trying to submit weekly, to show them I was a solid producer but it could be hard. I had written this originally as a prose piece called "Mad Cows & Englishmen" and posted it online at Themestream (and a couple of other short-lived internet communes for prose). Once those sites disappeared, I rescued it by posting it here on my blog.

Mad Cow disease did pop up in the news back in the beginning of 2001, so I figured I could rewrite a very dialogue-heavy piece of prose into a decent radio script. I thought the literary bent might win me some points, but it did not. Just a note, I did slip in one topical joke, a poke at a coffee creamer commercial that was around at the time. Hey, I enjoyed writing it and I thought I nail the tone pretty well, and added my own jokes. But, no sale.

MAD COW PARTY

Barely Home Companion - Bush State o'Union Address 2004

1/13/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Back in 2004 there wasn't a heck of a lot of post-State Of The Union follow-up comedy. But that year Bush took a moment to speak out against steroid use in baseball, and while it is a valid concern, many wondered why it came up in a SOTU address. But that remark was the inspiration for a sketch: other things the President didn't get to bring up or fully explain. The bit went well and was surprisingly true to the script I submitted. Yet, there was no credit for me, on air or on the website. I noticed that there's no credit for Keillor online either.

This is a bitter sweet sketch for me, it's the last sketch of mine that they used. I actually continued to submit to the show for the remainder of the 2003-2004 season, and the next two beyond--I was even sending material well into 2007, and occasionally after that--but none of it was acknowledged. I was not really fired, no one asked me to go away, I just petered out. I just wasn't making the cut and after a while of that I just stopped sending things in. It was sad and frustrating but unsurprising based on all my previous experience there.

Writing is a solitary profession. I always dreamed of joining that comedy room or being part of a team. I wanted to belong to something that I wanted to belong to. Style Without Substance, the WGAE, the Plague, PHC, workshops, but something always eluded me. Sometimes they ended and it felt like I was dropped to the curb. Mostly it involves my lack of social skills, I'm civil, personable but I'm an introvert and can't exist outside my comfort zone for long. When my excuse for being with people ends, I am incapable of maintaining that relationship. It's happened with classmates, committee members and co-writers. I just retreat to my hidey-hole and look for the next place to mail by submissions out to.

Years ago, I was once talking with my friend; we were both writing and we both had day jobs. I hadn't really told anyone at work about what I did on the side and I asked him if he had. He promptly said no. And it was never something he considered. To him, "writer" was his secret identity and his super power. Sometimes I forget that. I'm a writer. Yes, there's the day job and the family and the chores and the kids, but the core issue remains; I'm a writer. And the fact is, working on this blog has reminded me of that. It's not a stellar career but it it mind.

Anyway, on Jan. 24, 2004, PHC presented my State o'Union sketch (with my original script posted below).

Bush State o'Union Address 2004

TMI: Hollywood Minute, Dec 2019

1/11/2020

the last jokes of 2019!

Team Trump Online Video Updates

1/9/2020

Here's a topical piece and I lost my site that took topical pieces. Maybe I'll turn it into a sketch, but these days with the news cycles, no one will remember...

To: @Trump2020

Cc: @POTUS, @RudyColludy, @LevParnas, @ThatIgorFruman

RE: Online Video Pitches

We’re looking at the numbers on the recent video we shared on Twitter and they are insane! The video blew up big time. The people love seeing the President portrayed in a copyrighted clip as Thanos as he’s about to disintegrate the entire universe! When combined with the number of views of our tremendous “Game of Thrones” build-the-wall meme, you can see we have this election in the bag! So, with that in mind, we’ve been going through Wikipedia (not Wikileaks; LOL) to find more iconic and trademarked pop-culture characters we can infringe on. It’s quite a list!

Auric Goldfinger: this was a no brainer! Who loves gold more than Mr. Trump? Picture the scene where James Bond is tied to a table with a laser working its way up toward his groinal regions. Only, in the clip, we’ll put Nancy Pelosi’s face on Bond. So when she says, “Do you expect me to talk?” and Goldfinger/Trump replies “No, I expect you to die” our supporters will go nuts. Many clinically.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Style, wit, grace, intellect-who better displays these Trumpian characteristics than Dr. Lecter from “Silence of the Lambs”? We all agree that we should use the scene where Lecter silences all the lambs, i.e., the braying Democrats.

Zombie from “Return of the Living Dead”: We can have Zombie Trump trying to eat the brains of the Democratic leadership, but he keeps saying “These Democrats have no brains!” (If he hasn’t said it already, maybe work the phrase into his next rally) and “I’m still hungry!” (which we’re very sure is on file somewhere).

Jack Torrance: This is Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” Just imagine having Mr. Trump come busting through the door saying “Here’s MAGA!” while Hillary (or Nancy or Barrack or James Comey or whoever’s on Mr. Trump’s Most Wanted list that week) screams in terror? That’s Trumpism in a nutshell, baby!

The Emperor from “Star Wars”: Lifetime ruler alert! Picture the scene where Emperor Palpatine (now Mr. Trump) tells Luke (now Adam Schiff) “It is of no concern. Soon the rebellion will be crushed.” Or something like that. If that doesn’t make people want to join the Trump Empire, then nothing will!

Lord Voldemort: What could be more dramatic and uplifting for the Republicans then the scene where Lord Donald finally strikes down his mortal enemy, Hillary Potter, with the forbidden spell of “Avada Kedavra” which, we believe, is Latin for “Lock her up!”

Godzilla: Hey, when you think about destroying a corrupt town like Washington D.C., what comes to mind quicker than Godzilla? Imagine Mr. Trump’s head over Godzilla’s as he stomps through town screaming “Drain the swamp” or “Lock her up” (depending on focus group feedback) and we can turn the fleeing populous as members of the Demon-cratic Party (pretty good, right? I just made that up now). In fact, we can lift a whole clip of fleeing Democrats from the Daily Show and their “World War D” footage. I’m sure they won’t mind, either.

Gollum: Okay, he’s another gold-phile, but we can have the scene were Frodo is trying to throw the ring (say, the Constitution) into the flaming fires of Mount Doom and Gollum/Trump leaps out and rescues the ring, yelling: “My precious! My precious,” which would totally be in character for Mr. Trump and his love of the Constitution.

Get back to me on any of these ideas. Me and Lester are ready to put any one of them together! And wait until you see the amazing fake Time covers we’re prepping! And we’ll make sure we don’t send out this text as a tweet again!

comedy, writer, Dan Fiorella, Daniel fiorella, screenplay, sketches,radio,computer games, television writer