Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large - Easy as Falling off a Blog

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion - 50th Anniversary (Jan. '06)

1/17/2025

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Reading this bit and doing the math, I think I was inspired by my parents' anniversary party. They reached 50 years in December 2005 and we threw them a party. Nothing major, but a nice restaurant for 60 or so. There was no get fights or anything, but the usual family dynamics continued to be in play. Again, nothing major, but enough to get the "What if-?" part of my brain thinking and slowly assemble this sketch. I forget how I decided to my the speakers the jerks but it seemed like the natural thing to do. And I had fun coming up with the various Ben acts that only reenforced their opinions of him. Until you realize, maybe they're wrong. I've certainly seen that happen occasionally.

Unfortunately (for me), they didn't use it. It's not a bad little sketch. And it seems like something I could repurpose for various festivals I'm submitting to nowadays. We'll see. Until such time, we present it here:

50th Anniversary

Hashtag, You're It! - #Nightmare 90s Bands

1/15/2025

Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to and occasionally get in, runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter (X), where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my gag reflex, so I always throw up something. I've taken to setting my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of them on X (Twitter) and some of them get selected for inclusion to their online site.

Between the holidays and preoccupation this was the first hashtag game I fell back into. And it's a pretty solid return. I almost didn't do it because I'm not a music guy at all. I mean, I like music and I listen to songs, but I can't name bands or years or groups. So I came into this blind. Fortunately, the internet exists and I looked up a list of 90s bands. And even a few 90s groups, too. So Happy New Year, everyone!

#Nightmare90sBands

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Talking Pigs 2/18/03

1/15/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phase out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight foreword news stories.

I can't remember if anyone gave me any encouraging words to hang in there, but I did get an idea to pitch to them. And they liked it enough to run with it. Here I was informed of how an article had to work. The premise, of course, had to be handled as if it were an actual event. Drop in names and quotes to support the idea. In the article they strongly advised us to have opposing opinions within the articles. To them, that's what make the idea more believable, that we have show that some people aren't buying it. Then their graphic department would go to town to bring it all to life.

With this knowledge, I tackled my first WWN story and "Dan Fiorella, Reporter." It was also the last appearance of "Dan Fiorella, Reporter." Somewhere between this article and my next one, it occurred to me that maybe having a by-line in the WWN would not translate well to my so-called "writing career." There were many who looked down on the National Enquirer and the WWN (their reputation has skidded further downhill since back then). I honestly feared that others wouldn't get the joke about writing for the tabloid so all my future stories were submitted under a nom de plume.

By coincidence, I've been running these WWN posts 22 years to the weeks they had run. I'm going to lose that synchronization here. There was a gap between my last Dear Dottie and my first article, then multiple gaps of time between them. This surprised me as I remembered this all running my stories more frequently. Oh, well.

More to come...

Barely Home Companion - Small Talk Brigade (Jan. '06)

1/10/2025

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Back in 2005, we were still getting the TSA up to speed. 9/11 had forced them to up their game and handle more people and more situations. Shoe bombs, underwear bombs, crying babies, were all now turning up as weapons against the west. Scanning technology was still being refined, so the TSA had to approach their task from different angles.

They went with inter-personal skills. Sure, watching the baggage was important, but who was watching and judging the passengers? As I learned about TSA training, I thought it was a premise for a solid bit. Without any fanfare, I simply churned it out as an episode of a series. No "next on public radio," no "welcome to another chapter," I just launched into it, without even specifically making GK the announcer.

I happen to like this bit, but I took a pass on it. Oh, well.

Small Talk Brigade

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 12/31/02

1/1/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer

Well, good-by, Dottie!

Let's see; we got an Odd Couple reference. A take on the lawsuits that were popping up over fat kids and fast food, a look at menopause, along with a nod to the movie Psycho and some straight-up jokes in the Confidentials. It's a middling effort at best, which is a shame, as it was my last column. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure the reason I don't have a 12/24 column is because they asked someone else to do it. It was his try-out and they must have liked it. I wasn't so much as fired as replaced, because they were still willing to read my submissions. By this time I was started to get the vibe of the paper and began pitching story ideas for articles. And it was a better fit. I hope you agree as I continue these WWN entries.

So, good-by Dotti, and be a dear; don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out. Actually, that doesn't work, as she remained but for only a few years more. They ended up revamping the column in 2005, (which was part of a whole bigger thing) replacing Dotti Primrose with "Hi Dolly." So, I guess I got out of the advice columnist business just in time (wink-wink).

In hindsight, a stronger column would have been nice, but if I were capable of stronger columns, I wouldn't have been "transferred" to field reporting...

Barely Home Companion - New Year’s Noise Makers (Dec. '05)

12/27/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Don't recall much about this sketch, but upon reading it, it's pretty cute. I stared going for a SFX sketch, which I liked to do because a) it's radio [duh], b) it was a recurring bit for the show and c) I hoped the SFX guy might like it and try to push for it to get more air time. I noticed I got a Walmart joke in there, with the proto-War on Christmas the right would rant about even though it was corporate America that practiced the generic "Happy Holidays" so they wouldn't have to order different signs every week from autumn to year's end.

But it starts as a SFX bit then slides into the absurd, which works then caps it all for with a salute to noise makers. Again, I think PHC missed a bet here not using it, but that was par for the course in the mid-naughts for me. Enjoy the read and happy New Year's!

New Year’s Noise Makers

Hashtag, You're It! - #Criminal Christmas Movies

12/25/2024

Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to and occasionally get in, runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter (X), where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my gag reflex, so I always throw up something. I've taken to setting my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of them on X (Twitter) and some of them get selected for inclusion to their online site.

The last hashtag game before the holidays. I skipped the previous week, I just didn't care for the topic. This one came up and it was a bit of work. WH had grabbed all the good ones, (which you can tell by the fact they posted all of theirs0 so the rest were a job. In the end, I don't think I came up with more that 10, but I got 6 included on the WH site, so that's something. Merry Christmas, happy holidays and I guess we'll see this stuff return in the new year!

#CriminalChristmasMovies

Barely Home Companion - Clyde Wilson: Christmas Daredevil (Dec. '05)

12/20/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is cute little bit that I do remember writing. I took the idea of the last-minute shopper (based on people I know) and turned it into character who you would follow on reality TV. Or in this case, reality radio. I followed the typical "another episode" format the show was so fond of. I strung together some standard "last minute shopper" conceits. I even made a "Tree Grows in Brooklyn" reference. I worked in a smoking outside joke and I written for something else. And it had some heft to it. A lot of my sketches were shrinking in length. I thought it was a a sure-fire idea for PHC. It wasn't.

Clyde Wilson: Christmas Daredevil

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 12/17/02

12/18/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer

Again, they skipped a week so they could run a double feature this week. I don't have many memories of these letters. I goof on Ed Anger, their other columnist. Drunken hubby sounds like a twist on my Space Invaders script. Some amusing odds and ends. I guess you can read it all for yourself:

Leave it to the Prose: How the Grinch Robbed Nakotomi Plaza

12/16/2024

Everyone is always arguing about whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Well, now it absolutely is, since the role of Hans Gruber is now played by the Grinch. Check out my Suessian heist tale over at Weekly Humorist, home of weekly humor, to read "How the Grinch Robbed Nakotomi Plaza."

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