Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large - Easy as Falling off a Blog

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion: Winter in NYC (11/00)

11/25/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I liked this bit a lot.

PHC had pitched its tent for its annual visit to New York City, my hometown. I really attempted to create some special bits for this, thinking I had some sort of home field advantage.

I assembled a menagerie of jokes and gags I had created over the years about NYC and winter and cobbled them together in a very (I thought) Keillor-esque manner. I could hear his voice slowly rolling out the lines, then the cast members coming back at him. It was just so...radio. But they didn't do it. I allowed my daily panic to taint all my writing interactions. I never enjoyed when they used something because I was always worried about next week when they might not. So, when they actually didn't, I became more aggravated.

PHC still hasn't used my work, and I thought the NYC snow bit was perfect. What do I know?

As I said, I like this bit. It wasn't really transferable. Although I note in my journal that I would attempt to turn it into a prose piece for a online site that was attempting to create a "pay-per-click" readership (anyone remember ThemeStream? Now that place was a hoot and doomed to failure).

Winter in NYC

Memories of the Plague Again

11/15/2019

So, I'm strolling around the internet and what do I stumble upon?

The Plague Archive

What, I'm sure you're asking, is the Plague Archive? Well, let's pull the FAQ from the page itself...

This is the digital archive of The Plague Magazine (1977 - present). Every issue in this archive is available to hold and read in person at Elmer Holmes Bobst library (RG39.32) to anyone who wants to open a Special Collections Research Account there.

Email us if you've found an omission in the archive, have a question, or want to say hello!

The archive was digitized in 2018 by Doron Rasis, with help from Janet Bunde, Althea Meer, Maya Prashanth, April Hathcock, the Barbara Goldsmith Preservation and Conservation Department of Elmer Holmes Bobst Library, and Smooth Solutions, Inc.

Copyright (c) The Plague

They're all there! The issues I worked on until I graduated. The issues I worked on after I graduated because I didn't have boundaries or the ability to realize my time was done. The anniversary issue I allowed myself to contribute to after I whined to the editor about it. It's all here. They even have issue #5, which surprised me because I "borrowed" the office copy of that issue to make copies and never got around to returning it. But there it is. Phew. I'm going to have to take screen caps and replace the various scans I made of my Plague material on the blog.

Thanks to the people who digitized this nonsense and put it out there, because I live in the past, so this is exciting. And yes, I did contact them, because they missed a mini-issue we put out.

TMI: Hollywood Minute - Oct 2012

11/5/2019

Between their schedule and mine, it took two months to piece together enough for a minute. I missed a couple of weeks submitting. I was away, I forgot the deadline and one week...I just didn't feel like it. >Whine alert< I've been submitting material to these guys for ages. Most skits get overlooked, but my acceptance rate for these videos has been decent. But, there are sometimes I'm distracted by things, like, say, a paying gig, or an opportunity to write a script for an actress to get produced, that tends to pull me away from the troupe. And the fact that I'm on the other side of the country from them doesn't help, I'm sure...

DOA:Hollywood; Halloween Edition-Fear: The Movie 2

10/30/2019

TMI: Hollwood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

So, toward the end of 2018, Bob Woodward releases another book. This one was called Fear: Trump in the White House. It detailed some ridiculous things going on in DC. I remember getting the idea how to goof on it and debating whether to submit it right away or wait a bit until we got closer to Halloween. In the end, I went for topical. Not that it mattered, they didn't use it anyway.

But I played with the format, got my Hollywood film introduction and still did a decent "scary" set-piece on stage. Goofed on a couple of horror tropes. Worked in a lot of the Trump stuff. And wrapped it up nicely. I'm pleased. I hope you will be to:

Fear: The Movie 2

Barely Home Companion: Halloween Edition -Frankenstein & Igor (10/00)

10/29/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is an interesting bit (for me). I once read a Woody Allen short story about Dracula. I was so impressed with it. I wanted to write something like it. So I did. He did Dracula, so obviously I would have to do Frankenstein. This was originally a short story. It was published as part of an anthology series years later (which has since gone out of print...which is weird for an ebook). The story was dialog-heavy (as much as my prose is) so I figured I could adapted it as a radio skit for PHC for one of their October shows. It was a pass.

I note in my journal at the end of October, 2000, that I had struck out again with PHC.

Four Halloween bits...Keillor going on and on about how "Americans don't make the most use of it [Halloween]" and proceeds to do practically nil on it . But winter! Don't get him started about winter!

I submitted to other venues after that, but it never got picked. It's my attempt at "racy" and there's one line ("Have you ever discussed politics with him?") that is straight up Woody Allen, although my attempt at making it more "me" (calling him a "feeb" instead of an "imbecile") really undercut it.

I actually took the script and collected together with a couple of my other horror bits and submitted it around as an episode of "The Nether Regions," a "Twilight Zone" type radio anthology show. One group produced another part of the anthology, so this skit has yet to become...ALIVE!

Sooo, Halloween is coming (it's one of my favorite holidays) and I have a Halloween book to sell. It's "Halloweenies," a tale of a boy and his costume...and friends. And family. And cops. And gangsters. It's funny.

Frankenstein & Igor

DOA: Hollywood; Halloween Edition - Amity Mayoral Debate

10/29/2019

TMI: Hollwood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

Again, I'm really satisfied with this sketch. Back in that summer it had been mentioned to me, as I noted in the forward of the skit, Politics is unpredictable. Like, did you ever notice that the mayor in "Jaws" is still the mayor in "Jaws 2?" How’d that happen?

It was something my son-in-law pointed out to me and it started to flesh itself out into a sketch over time, a perfect Halloween/Election Day combo that seems more common now as horror and politics have gotten more intertwined. Sure, there's a couple of typos and I left the name "Watt" in one place after I changed it to "Carla." So many Jaws Easter eggs in it. And it had some decent bits for the woman in the cast. And some really good throw-away lines and the Abby & Grace characters came out of left field, but really work in this context. Alas, it wasn't produced, but I hope you'll enjoy it now.

1977 Amity Mayoral Debate

DOA: Hollywood; Halloween Edition-Halloween Hearings

10/28/2019

TMI: Hollwood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

In 2018, we were watching a lot of unqualified people get nominated to a lot of important government jobs. The Kavanaugh hearings were very much in the news that autumn and it seemed like a good mix; Halloween and political humor. I was very happy with this sketch. I'm a fan of the Halloween movies and could really picture Jamie Lee Curtis playing the part. The length was good, it had a decent number of characters, each with a moment and it really flowed well. I thought I made a solid political parody without naming names but the gang didn't use it, so here we present....

Senate Halloween Hearings

Ghosts of Halloween Decorations Past - Et. Al.

10/27/2019

I have been decorating my front door for Halloween for a couple of decades. I talked about it previously here. This year, however I won't be doing it up much. The reason? The premiere party for the movie I worked on. I co-wrote a horror/comedy short a couple of years ago a the request of an actress. And, dang, if she didn't get it made! Anyway, the screening is Halloween night, so I won't be home for the trick-or-treaters.

So, I always recorded the Halloween decorations, first by photo, then with videos, since I started doing back in the 80s. Not everything is digital, but when I wrote my book, "Halloweenies," I pulled out some of what I had to create a couple of book promos for it. One shows the stuff in my attic, they other has photos from when I was decorating the door of our side-door apartment where we spend 20 years of our lives. Here's where you really see some of the different masks I used on my mechanical man figure, from mummy to monster to witch to wizard to vampire. It was pretty flexible. And I was always on the hunt for new accessories. It originally started with glove hands with string tied to a railing. Then monster hands, then I found the monster arms. I originally had an old man mask, but the way the ladder stood, with the paint ledge jutting out front, made everyone assume he was an old woman. So, I added a witch hat and cauldron and made him a witch. There were lights, coffins, and smoke machines added over the years. He even did a couple of personal appearances at some Halloween parties. That was the beauty of it, easily assembly and disassembly.

My favorite part is the kids' reactions to it. Some are fascinated by it. Others are frightened. The parents love it. It's turned into a real photo-op as they get their kids to stand next to it and take pictures. That part is a joy. And the weather has been nice on Halloween for so long that I get to hang outside with my bowl of candy and take care of business.

DOA: Hollywood; Halloween Edition-Scary Things

10/26/2019

TMI: Hollwood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

I had a nice creative spark back in October 2018. A lot of inspiration for bits to submit. Some inspiration came from babysitting my grandkids. They were young and watching a LOT of Disney Jr. and other age-appropriate things. But after awhile, things like Vampirina and Netflix's Super Monsters started to grate on my old-school Universal-era horror movie fandom. So, this skit was born. I was really happy with it, it had a solid beginning, middle and end. I think I nailed the sit-com tone. I got to do some goofy jokes and vent on about "these kids today and their monsters." As for the group, it was an good-size cast, each character had a moment. Granted it wasn't super topical, but I thought it had a great show-business vibe that I thought the group would appreciate. I was disappointed it didn't get in for their Halloween show. You'd think I'd be used to disappointment by now, right?

Disney’s Scary Thingies

Ghosts of Halloween Decorations Past - 2018

10/26/2019

I have been decorating my front door for Halloween for a couple of decades. I talked about it previously here. This year, however I won't be doing it up much. The reason? The premiere party for the movie noted below. I co-wrote a horror/comedy short a couple of years ago a the request of an actress. And, dang, if she didn't get it made! Anyway, the screening is Halloween night, so I won't be home for the trick-or-treaters.

2018. It's the usual guys, rearranged; my pumpkin patch. The grave yard, the warning signs. Some years a flying bat, other years a dropping spider. Things come and go.

I had added some new things; a different bird in a cage, a ghoul climbing up the wall. The skeleton gets a seat this year and a bag of candy. Turned the mechanical into a scarecrow (with his own theme song!) This year I placed him on the lawn for the first time, as I usually put him at the top of the driveway (because parking has gotten so bad on my block that my wife couldn't count on getting a space on the street when she came home from work).

I would always video the scene twice, once in daylight, upon completion and then at dusk, when you could see the lights better. Alas, few do. Trick-or-treating tends to wrap up in our neighborhood by dark, so not one sees the glowing cauldron or back-lit coffin.

I have other things in reserve already for next year. I always "dream big" but then scale back once I actually have to start assembling things. I see some people go nuts to the point where when it rains, they have to run out and cover everything in plastic bags because they're not really built for outdoors. I don't want to do that. I want to be creative, but I don't want to work so hard at it.

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