Got a new bit posted by the gang over at The Higgs Weldon site; President Trump's First 100 Days; an Alternative Look Back!
In March 2016, a new comedy website launched, featuring short online articles. It was The Morning Kvetch. Alas, there was no traction and the site no longer exists. So, I'm going to drag out the bits I wrote for them and post them here from time to time. So, let us present (the last in the series):
Lions & Tigers and Beards, Oh My!
So, I'm lumping all my Staten Island material here. Links to all my bits, for your one-stop shopping convenience, you know, just how Pathmark or the A&P used to be (Hey, another SI reference! And dating as we speak!)
Anyhoo, it all appears on the next page...
Sure, we all look to the successful people and their work habits in an attempt to gleam from them some nugget of knowledge that would allow us to mimic their achievements. But are these really the people who we should be emulating? Because as it turns out, some of their habits are pretty filthy. For example:
Bill Gates: Picks nose...
Sarah Palin writes, "In a reflection of the sad state of affairs in Washington, one mainstream media newspaper even had to acknowledge, 'Who knows, maybe Ashton Kutcher was able to
do something America’s political leadership can’t do, which is to talk honestly
to America’s youth about the dignity of work.'" Sure, because Ashton Kutcher is successful at what he does.
I think tattoos give a person a sense of tribal belonging, a link to a more
primeval time, where the rites of adulthood were displayed for all to see. At
least that’s the vibe I got off the guy who passed me in the frozen food aisle
Writers often don't get it right the first time:
“He said ‘Rosebud.’”
“What? Like the Rosebud Sled Company?”
"I guess so."
With the rise of recent movies like “Snow White and the Huntsman,” Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland,” “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Jack the Giant Slayer,” it seems fairy tales are taking a decidedly militaristic turn. So, what else does Hollywood have in the pipeline:
"Three Little Pigs: Pork Warriors"
"Bo Peep: PETA Avenger"
"Jack Horner: Pie Assault" (catchphrase: “Nobody puts Jack Horner in a Corner!”
“Jack & Jill: A Hill too Far.”
“The Goose with the Golden Egg”
“Little Miss Muffet: Spider Slayer” (tag line: “Something Wicked This Whey Comes.”)
"Goldilocks vs. The Three Bears"
“Dish & Spoon: A-plate-ocalypse Now.”
“Humpy-Dumpty: Shell Shock”
The US Supreme Court ruled against fines and sanctions against broadcasters who violated the FCC policy regulating curse words and nudity on broadcast television. Which can only mean one thing…
A hot and sassy new TV season!
That’s right, CBS is throwing off its stodgy old programming to get its freak on air! So look for these sizzling new shows!
How I Did You Mother!
Two and a Half Way!
Person of Incest!
A Big Bang!
Really Big Brother!
Mike & Molly & Ted & Alice!
The XXX Factor!
And get to see how those 2 Broke Girls start earning money this year! And yes, it still involves cupcakes! And stay tuned for “60 Minutes.” 60 minutes of what you ask? You’ll just have to tune in. So, watch the hot new shows on CBS and thanks, Supreme Court, for lettin’ CBS get their groove on.
Freelance writer, still hacking away.